In the past month, I’ve had the opportunity to speak with both my brother (a 20-year Navy vet) and my sister (a nurse). On March 10, 2020, my uncle also informed me that I have both a brother and sister and that they were willing to connect with me. When I was presented with the opportunity to talk to his wife, she shared with me that they had unsuccessfully searched for a male child for several years before my father’s death. I’ve learned that my father married a wonderful woman in 1988, and they lived together in Michigan until his death. The last few months have changed my life forever. The conversation led to a recommendation that I speak with my father’s brother and sister who were still living to get more information about his life. I had been preparing myself for this reality for more than 20 years. I was so caught up in the moment of excitement of being connected to a first cousin, that the news of my father passing away didn’t really hit me. After speaking with him, he informed me that based on the information and photos I had sent him, he believed that his uncle was my father, and that unfortunately he had passed away in 2004. After I was able to get in touch with this cousin’s mom, she informed me that she was aware of other Grahams living in the Boston area in the late ‘70’s and would give me the names of those of whom she was aware.Īfter collecting the first and last names of the Graham relatives in Boston, I was finally able to connect with a first cousin. I almost fell off my chair by the realization that I had been linked by this DNA database to someone with the last name Graham.
He indicated that his mother’s maiden name was Graham and that he would be willing to get in touch with her for me. One of my cousins messaged me back right away. I explained to each of them that I was looking for information about my father whose last name was Graham and who lived in Boston in the late 1970’s. I decided to take another leap of faith and message all of them through the app. To my surprise, the results showed I was linked by DNA to half a dozen third cousins, but none of which were named Graham. I looked through my DNA ancestral history and I felt empowered to learn about the countries and regions in Western, Central and Southern Africa my family is from.Įagerly, I then clicked on the ‘Matches’ tab. What matches would come back, if any? Would this finally give me the lead I needed to find my father after more than 20 years of searching?įinally, on January 7, 2020, I received an email notification that my DNA results were in. I dropped the test in the mailbox, and later that same day, I began thinking about my results with great anticipation and excitement. When my DNA kit arrived, I followed the instructions which included taking a small saliva sample and then sealing and returning the package to be processed.
I had two goals in mind for taking the DNA test: finding out where my ancestors were from and finding any close relatives on my father’s side who could help me get in touch with my father. On December 2, 2019, a few days after my 42nd birthday, I decided to order a DNA kit online. Graham is a very common last name, and my attempts to find him through searching in the phone book, on the internet, through social media, and even hiring a private investigator were all unsuccessful. In my 20’s, I began to realize that not knowing about my father was taking a toll on me, and I felt a strong sense that it was time to look for him. In fact, the only information I ever knew was that his last name was Graham, that he was African American, a veteran, and very tall. What made things even harder as a child was that my mother could only share limited details about who my father was with me. My mother and father had gone their separate ways before I was even born.
When I was a child, I resented the fact that I didn’t know who my father was and that he wasn’t in my life.
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